ten things i can't imagine ever doing

I know, people say never to say never...but as I was driving and saw a girl (who could pull it off quite frankly, so I'll forgive her) wearing leggings as pants, I began to imagine all the things I would never do. Or I suppose to be on the safer side, ten things I can't imagine ever doing:

1. become a cigarette smoker
I have a strong belief that if anyone came over to my house and heard my neighbor hack and gag as she attempts any sort of outdoor activity, you know, like walking up the front steps...they'd be off cigarette smoking forever.

2. live (far) away from my family
These days it's becoming more and more apparent how improbable it would be for me to ever live farther than an hour away from my family. I honestly can't fathom how people do it. I have severe jealousy every time I hear that my family is hanging out and I can't be there. The fact that my family is currently procreating at an alarming rate is certainly not helping. It's damn near debilitating and I'm only 69.7 miles away (but who's counting).

3. fall asleep immediately
To all of you "asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow" folks, I despise you. I'm not even kidding. If I could get to sleep each night without the incessant analysis of all my past, present and future decisions, I'd be one happy and well rested girl.

4. become a vegan
A life without cheese is not a life worth living.

5. have more animals than people
I have a personal belief that there should never be more animals in a household than people. Daniel wants another cat. And a dog. But that breaks the rule, it's one or the other buddy, I refuse to be outnumbered by four legged creatures.

6. have plastic surgery (again)
Having had four surgeries already, I can safely say I would avoid doing that at all costs. Not only do I think that physically altered women look unpleasant, the whole shebang is quite painful as I recall. And of course, I'm a total miser and would never spend money on something so frivolous (I hope).

7. become a scientologist
It's almost enough that Tom Cruise is their creepy unofficial spokesman. Throw in deprogramming, silent births, Xenu and their disbelief of mental health professionals and I'm out.

8. public displays of affection
Feel free to step (hard) on my left foot if I start posting excessively shmoopy facebook posts about my love, or worse... complaining about how much he works at night, or worse... Eh, scratch that. I was gonna continue down this path but then I started thinking about my dear friends who do this on the daily...and I started to get sick. Too much information my friends, I love you and I'm glad you love whoever it is, but keep it to yourself.

9. working in a cubicle
I would be surprised if I ever had a career that required me to even sit at a desk for 8 hours a day, but it is even more difficult to imagine myself in the midst of a sea of other gray squares tippity typing on my computer all day for profit.

10. ride a motorcyle
Never. Never ever will I ever ride a motorcycle.